Tsunamis of Grief

I was not feeling well yesterday……..
When I am home and sick is when I miss my Mother the most. She was so good at taking care of us when we were sick. She rocked it. Making us herbal teas and bringing us saltines and toast, watching game shows and soap operas on the couch. One of the best times I remember is when I was home on Spring Break my freshman year of college, and had my impacted wisdom teeth removed. I missed my entire Spring Break writhing away in pain on the couch (until I took the Percocet)- but I spent every day of that break with my Mom sitting next to me- so the pain was totally worth it. I missed my Mom so badly when I went away to college that I called her every day. Heck, I called her every day for the rest of my life, until I moved back home 15 years ago- and then we saw each other every day. We talked every day on the phone- when I lived away- even when I lived in the Virgin Islands……

So I missed her terribly yesterday, and I watched a heart wrenching episode of “This is Us” where Randall and his family tried to say good-bye to William, and I thought about families and heartbreak and complications and loneliness….and GOD I missed my mother.

And then, I missed my husband, and longed for him to come home, because, now that my Mother is gone, he is the only person left on this earth who really and truly gets me; who I can be my true and total self with, who will hold me when I cry and when snot is running out of my nose in huge rivers and my eyes swell shut….Who listens to me when I am grumpy and short tempered and critical….Who understands my fears and flaws and wounds and scars and loves me anyway, just as I am. Just like God does.

So I cried and did some more grieving and felt lonely and sad and lost for a while……And wondered if there will ever be a time when the fierce waves of grief will stop knocking me over like an unexpected tsunami.
And then, at 4:30, the door opened and he walked in with his beautiful self and said these words:
“Here I am, the doctor is home!!”
Yes. Yes he is……❤️

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